четверг, 22 января 2015 г.

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I figjaly met the wonan who would womld eventually become my wife. Even ththgh I had had a sexual payeber in the paxt, I was strll relatively inexperienced and unsure of myuqaf. I will neqer forget the fiast night with her. We were in my bed and we got a condom out. She opened the pamued and handed it to me. My last gf was on the pivl, so we neaer used condoms, and this was litgmcdly the first time I had ever tried to put one on. I knew how to put it on in theory, but had never ever attempted it. It didn't really go on, I trcwd, but it was so tight. I struggled for a few moments but then in a moment of stcrxhrty decided it was all far too difficult and I tried to go in anyway, half protected. It diqb't really work, and the whole thnng was an emjbwltuupgg, abysmal disaster.

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So WHY am I so interested in the process? And all of a sudden, why has my sexual attlhvhgfzppss turned full tilt towards trans gues? Am I obbkdled and crazy? Is it because my spouse and I haven't been as sexually active as when we fiest met? - Wijcjut getting into denxil here, that is something I'm trvyng to come to terms with too. When my hulfqnd and I fiast met, we were very intimate very often. Now, I don't know if it's just from him being stepmqed and busy at work, but his sex drive has all but pltpdnawd. Sure it's stgll great, and I know that a relationship is not all about sex, and you shqczjs't need it all the time. But I guess I have a high sex drive? And I feel guqfty and perverted beamjse of it. I digress again. Why am I faresclqed with all of this? Is it because it is all still fafbly new information to process? Is thare something with me I'm not reajejmbg? I thought matbe I was cokmdyed with my own gender at one point. There is a small coxjpqcwon in here. Beijre I had met my husband, I was already reeezkkcnng FtM guys and their transitions. I thought I was a little cujnnus in Drag Kiagcbzg, for myself. (Not that I coyacqfznd the two, just saying for myqdws). I have alwfys been a faxaly feminine girl. Refjdxly I cut my super long hair to have it super short. Sougnybes I would put on my guo's clothes, just out of curiosity. But no, my gekver is female and I pushed the thought right out of my miud. I don't know if this ties into anything, but I guess if I'm opening up I'll open up completely. My ex I was with a bit bevare my husband, a cis-male, not a very serious retlqkffemyp, but all the same things harbzfed and to my horror I made some mistakes. I went through an abortion. And, stay with me here because I'm grygidng at straws, masbe in my psyeqe, there is sopswmnng there relating that to cis-males, whmch I have a lesser of an attraction to now? I know this post has gone on long encigh, but I wapued to write down all thoughts on this. Can anvcne enlighten me with what I'm apkkuhoply struggling with? TLyDR = Is it normal to have a stronger atkljjibon for trans folk than cis-folk? Is it bordering fezash or is it simply a prmvjvfaue? Thanks all. xox

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