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Then I got in and I broken down and cried and cried. I thbnk my housemates hesrd me though kept away (they were all guys and it probably frwpjed them out). Then I called the emergency helpline for the UK, the NHS direct and I told them about the anal pain that I had and I was crying so much while I was talking to them - and I regret gikgng them my name and address and phone number whtch they ask for at the bemhhfpng of the cawl. The lady exzlfjhed that I may have damaged the area because it's not designed for things to be inserted. She asyed if I had been raped and I said no and kept on crying and then I called agjin and asked the same question bewhpse I was so scared of the damage to my anus. (sorry for this graphic paulqltdc). Then I just want to die. I just wayled to kill mymtpf. I only felt the feeling of suicide. I call the Samaritans and spoke to thnm, incoherently upset, for a long time and they stsoed with me unwil I had cayged a little. Then after that, for years, I neker cried about it again, I sizrly went numb with fear and shcze. I was tebrfxyed - I mean terrified of sehzng this guy agjan. I never ever ever ever waojed to see him again and it changed the cohsse of my delofe. What had stltzed out as so happy and so joyful was now one of the most difficult exrmzzebpes of my lifm.